


Wei Wuxian’s Guilty Pleasure

by Epher



Series: Their Erotic Fantasies [1]
Category: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, The Founder of Diabolism, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Bottom Lan Wangji — kind of, Cum Eating, Don’t copy to another site, Emotional Turmoil, Eventual Sex, M/M, MXTX Oil Campaign 2k19, Masturbation, Mostly Wei Wuxian bottoms in this, Next one they switch it up, Pining, Prostate Massage, Spoilers for ch 69, Written for sometime after chapter 65, admitting feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-27 10:58:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17160755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epher/pseuds/Epher
Summary: Wei Wuxian can’t get over the guilt of what happened when Lan Wangji was drunk. He also can’t stop thinking about his lips.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic for this fandom. I haven’t finished reading the novel, but I just had to write something!

Wei Wuxian wasn’t one to ruminate on past mistakes. He had made a lot of them, and they would eat him alive if he let them. But this one was so... odd. He managed to chase it out of his mind with other things, but at night it tended to sneak back. Every time he looked at a jar of liquor, it taunted him. Every time he saw Lan Wangji’s sleeping face, it nagged him.

Why had he done it? He asked himself over and over, but blaming it on the alcohol didn’t count as an answer. He had been drinking since he was young, and never had he done this.

All he knew was that he had looked at Lan Wangji’s lips, and kissed him.

The worst part was that sickening feeling that he wanted to do it again. He shared Lan Wangji’s bed, and it made his skin tingle with some unknown sensation. Their closeness made it difficult to sleep.

Those nights when he stayed awake, he was overcome with guilt. How had he done something so disrespectful? Lan Wangji had laid himself down for Wei Wuxian. Knowing that he was a troublemaker, he allowed himself to drink. He trusted Wei Wuxian to not take advantage of his intoxicated state.

And yet, Wei Wuxian had. Tonight was one of those sleepless nights where this knowledge upset him, and he felt so sick with guilt that it built up in his throat. He curled up on his side and stared at Lan Wangji’s sleeping profile, the edge of it illuminated by moonlight. How dare he wish to do it again? Was he affected by his body’s previous owner’s preferences?

He remembered crawling on top of Lan Wangji that first night, trying to get him to kick him out, and being paralyzed instead. There were none of those feelings then. All he had wanted was to push buttons, to make Lan Wangji pull away in disgust and throw him out. He had spent the night laying limp across Lan Wangji’s sleeping body, frustrated that he wasn’t able to move. Now, the thought of being spread out on top of the other man made Wei Wuxian shiver, and his groin ached.

“What is wrong.”

Wei Wuxian jumped. Had Lan Wangji been awake, or had Wei Wuxian woken him? He usually slept peacefully through the night. Feeling as though he had been caught red-handed, Wei Wuxian’s mouth went dry, and he swallowed. The weird aching feeling in his groin hadn’t gone away, and it seemed worse now that he knew Lan Wangji was awake. There seemed to be electricity between them, and Wei Wuxian feared what would happen if the distance between them got smaller. He felt like a teenager again, wanting and aching for his future dream-woman. Was Lan Wangji filling that role in his head now?

“Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian’s lip quivered, and he bit down on it. What could he say? _No worries, Lan Zhan, I’m only lusting after you as though you were a beautiful maiden!_

Lan Wangji turned his head to look. His face was hidden in darkness and Wei Wuxian couldn’t see him now, but Lan Wangji could certainly see the pained expression on Wei Wuxian’s face. He felt a blush creep up his neck and cheeks, and he avoiding the other man’s gaze. Lan Wangji didn’t say anything more, but stared for a while.

Eventually, Wei Wuxian couldn’t handle Lan Wangji’s eyes on him anymore. “I’m fine,” he said, “I think I just need some fresh air. Go back to sleep.”

He quickly got out of bed and grabbed his robe and shoes, not bothering to put them on before he shuffled out the door and through the little abandoned house they had found. Well, it hadn’t been abandoned, exactly, but Wei Wuxian didn’t think the living corpses that had walked around the place needed to stick around.

He slipped on his shoes before he walked out the door, and it was only then that he realized he had grabbed Lan Wangji’s outer robe and not his own. Cursing himself, he turned back, only to stop and chew on his lip. If he went back in only to leave again, Lan Wangji would surely not go back to sleep. Usually, he didn’t care if the other man followed him as long as he wasn’t speaking to Wen Ning, but this time he didn’t want to see him at all. He couldn’t even bear to go back in that room.

He decided to wear Lan Wangji’s robe for now, and grabbed a blanket for in case he wanted to sleep outside. He walked for a bit, holding up the bottom of Lan Wangji’s robe so it wouldn’t drag on the ground. The moon was full and he could see relatively well, and the forest was quite beautiful. It cleared his mind, and focused his thoughts to the present. 

He felt small in Lan Wangji’s robe. It wasn’t just that he was a bit shorter than him, but he felt like a small child wrapping himself in an adult’s coat for comfort. His grip on his emotions was faltering, and the robe offered him the illusion of being surrounded by Lan Wangji’s consistent strength and fortitude. The man was an anchor, unable to be knocked down, holding Wei Wuxian back from the edge.

If only he had given into that anchor a long time ago. Lan Wangji had offered it to him, but all he saw back then was a threat. He thought Lan Wangji wanted to put him in a cage and punish him. Maybe he had, back then. Would it have been worth it?

At some point, he heard the sound of a creek and veered off his path to find it. The water glistened under the moonlight, and the sound of it calmed him. There was a tree nearby that seemed to have a mess of thick, sturdy limbs, and he took off Lan Wangji’s robe and folded it under one arm so it wouldn’t dirty when he climbed a short ways up. He laid down the blanket and settled himself in a cradle of branches, and draped the robe over a nearby branch.

He could probably fall asleep here, with the continuous sound of the creek and the leaves swaying. He thought about Lan Wangji’s sturdiness, how good it would feel to be wrapped in those firm arms, protected from the outside world.

His thoughts didn’t stop there. As he lay there, the sickness came back, settling in his stomach and his groin again. It was a kind of nausea, but it also wasn’t. It was more like an overwhelming realization of yearning. _How shameful_ , he thought, _can’t you make it one night without such vile desires? What would Lan Zhan think of you if he knew what swirled inside of you now?_

These thoughts were more direct than they had been before. It was as if leaving Lan Wangji was giving them free reign. They turned from scolding himself to uncontrolled admissions of the secret cravings he had never let himself think about before. He thought about being back in their bed and turning over, kissing Lan Wangji, and his lips tingled. He thought about cupping his cheeks, slowly drawing his tongue between Lan Wangji’s lips. Lan Wangji’s mouth opened for him, and he pushed his tongue inside. As his imagination took him, his body seemed to light up with that tingling sensation, centering mostly in his groin.

Guilt hit him again, and he pushed it away. These thoughts were not going to leave, and he couldn’t hide them from himself anymore. Lan Wangji never had to know about it. He pushed the doubts and shame into a box in his mind and closed it, at least for now.

The Lan Wangji in his mind didn’t do much at first, but he allowed Wei Wuxian to do what he pleased. He opened his mouth for him and shyly copied the actions of his tongue. There was something about him that made Wei Wuxian think that it might be how he would act in such a situation. Yes, he had tied Wei Wuxian’s hands together and toted him around, but he had been drunk then. Who knew how he would act when sober? More reserved, perhaps? Wei Wuxian thought that he wouldn’t care either way. If their bodies could be entangled with each other, he would do whatever Lan Wangji wanted.

In real life, Wei Wuxian was on his back, leaning back against the branches behind him, so he switched his imaginary position to copy that. Now, Lan Wangji was the one sliding on top of him, but he still allowed Wei Wuxian to do most of the work. Wei Wuxian thought about running his hands up that chiseled chest and over his shoulders and back, all the way down to cup his rear and pull him close. That _really_ made him shiver, and the aching in his groin was becoming unbearable. Without allowing himself to think about what he was doing, he untied his pants and pushed them down just enough to expose himself to the cool air.

The Lan Wangji in his mind let Wei Wuxian thrust up against him as much as he wanted, neither helping nor stopping him. He reached out and grabbed his robe, pulling it to his face and surrounding himself with that sandalwood scent that used to be so faint but now intoxicated him. He flexed his hips up over and over, still not wanting to touch himself yet. The tingling sensation was so strong already that it nearly buzzed, and he didn’t want to become overwhelmed.

 _A-Ying,_ imaginary Lan Wangji said breathlessly as he spread his legs more and started to press down each time Wei Wuxian’s hips jumped up.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whispered.

His imagination didn’t give him any warning before it shifted dramatically, leaving Lan Wangji with nothing underneath his outer robes. It was just like those cut-sleeve erotic pictures he had peeked at as a teenager. Wei Wuxian could not see Lan Wangji’s body since they were covered in the outer robes, as if his imagination didn’t want to attempt to recreate their image, but rather just the feeling of them. Lan Wangji’s entrance was already stretched and oiled, and Wei Wuxian entered him as smoothly as if he were a maiden.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian’s moan was strangled as he tried to keep quiet. He finally wrapped his hand around his cock and rubbed it fast, his imagination struggling to keep the same pace. Lan Wangji stayed still, knees and hands holding himself steady while Wei Wuxian pounded into him over and over. Wei Wuxian tried his hardest to imagine what Lan Wangji would sound like, what kind of moans or groans he would let out, but nothing came forth. He was a rock, looking down at Wei Wuxian with those icy eyes, mouth slightly open and breath coming out hard as his body moved each time Wei Wuxian shoved into him.

“Lan Zhan, please, please don’t leave, Lan Zhan, _ah!_ ” Wei Wuxian’s body curved as he came into his hand, stifling the groans that wanted to burst out.

The bliss that came afterward lasted a while. He closed his eyes and panted, absently wiping his hand on the tree and then some leaves. The images stayed in his mind, and he took pleasure in them even if he couldn’t go again. Lan Wangji was so beautiful, with the moonlight shining on his silky hair that splayed around them both as he leaned over Wei Wuxian. His expression might have been stoic to most, but Wei Wuxian imagined the slightest change, eyes slightly lidded, brows a tiny bit upturned. He was as godly and breathtaking in his beauty.

Idly he wondered, _why did I tell Lan Zhan not to leave?_

As if the spell was broken, he came down from his high and swallowed thickly. Even in a state of complete denial, his subconscious knew that Lan Wangji would probably get away from him if he knew. If not that, at the very least, the trust between them would shatter. In the beginning, Lan Wangji had seemed to ignore Wei Wuxian’s cut-sleeve tendencies, but that was because he had known Wei Wuxian did not mean them. Now that it was real, he would surely be disgusted.

Wei Wuxian tied his pants back together and dropped down from the tree to wash his soiled hand in the water. The night was just as quiet and empty as it had been before, and it mirrored the emptiness in his heart. Lan Wangji would not know about this, so there was no use in wallowing about it. As long as he did not touch him like he had before, it would be okay. He just had to control himself and slip away like this when it became unbearable. 

Lan Wangji would not leave him if he did not know.


	2. Chapter 2

Wei Wuxian had not been sleeping well lately.

Normally, Lan Wangji would assume it was because his secret had been discovered by the world. Now he was a hated man once again. The more paranoid side of him worried that something might have happened to him when he possessed that paper body in order to spy on Jin Guangyao, but if he were honest, Wei Wuxian had not been sleeping well since before then. He _had_ been sleeping perfectly, but suddenly... it changed.

He was concerned and curious, but he did not ask. Wei Wuxian would not answer. He didn’t have much of an excuse to worry, anyway, at least from Wei Wuxian’s perspective. The man seemed oblivious to Lan Wangji’s attention. Even as they fled from Koi Tower, he told Lan Wangji to stay, to save himself, as if he did not care for Wei Wuxian at all. 

Tonight was worse than usual. Wei Wuxian turned from side to side, as if he couldn’t find a comfortable spot. His sighs were shaky and quiet, and his breath caught. He shivered, but it was not cold. Lan Wangji’s curiosity got the better of him.

“What is wrong.”

His voice seemed to startle Wei Wuxian, and he did not answer but swallowed thickly instead. Another shaky breath, and it sounded like he squirmed uncomfortably.

Lan Wangji waited patiently for an answer, but none came. He hadn’t expected Wei Wuxian to tell him what was wrong, but it was unusual for him to be silent. He asked again, “Wei Ying?”

More silence. Lan Wangji turned his head, and the way Wei Wuxian’s face looked, illuminated by the moonlight, made Lan Wangji’s heart ache. He looked... afraid. Lan Wangji yearned to turn towards him, take him in his arms, push away whatever was hurting him. He couldn’t, though, so he just waited to see if he would explain.

Wei Wuxian avoided his eyes and seemed to pretend he hadn’t asked anything, and Lan Wangji eventually noticed a slight darkening of his complexion. Wei Wuxian squirmed again and said, “I’m fine. I think I just need some fresh air. Go back to sleep.”

Lan Wangji watched as Wei Wuxian got out of bed, grabbed _his_ robe, and left. He wondered if he would figure out he had gotten the wrong robe and come back, but after a minute he heard the front door shut.

He sat up. Wei Wuxian was obviously troubled, and he had been for a while. Worry nagged at him, and he frowned. Where was he going? Was he perhaps going to speak to Wen Ning? Lan Wangji lay back down. He had accepted long ago that Wei Wuxian would walk the path of darkness, and he could not keep him from it. That would only push Wei Wuxian away.

It was difficult to see Wei Wuxian continue down this path, despite it having destroyed him once already. Though, in this life, he seemed much happier. He reminded Lan Wangji of the Wei Wuxian from the beginning. He just hoped that it stayed that way. Lan Wangji didn’t think he could watch him spiral downwards twice.

Worry creeped back up inside him. Was he perhaps troubled by resentful energy? It didn’t seem that way. Then again, he couldn’t know what was going on inside of Wei Wuxian’s heart.

Lan Wangji sighed, and got out of bed. Wei Wuxian had taken his robes, so he pulled out Wei Wuxian’s robe and put it on along with his own boots and stepped outside, Bichen strapped to his side. He didn’t hear Wei Wuxian anywhere nearby, and it had been a while since he left, so Lan Wangji simply started back along the path they had taken. If he walked some distance and didn’t find him, he would walk the other way. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep in an empty bed anyway.

He walked for a while before he heard the very distant sound of Wei Wuxian. It sounded like he was calling out his name, and Lan Wangji sped up his steps a bit. After he got close enough to hear the faint sounds of gasps and whimpers, he slowed. It was still so quiet, too far away for a normal person to hear, but Lan Wangji’s senses were strong enough to tell that Wei Wuxian was not calling for help. His heart started to thump harder.

Was Wei Wuxian...? In the forest, where anyone could find him? _Had Lan Wangji really heard his own name?_ He quickly turned around and briskly walked back to the abandoned house, not wanting to investigate any longer. Wei Wuxian was fine, there was no need to worry about him. He was just fooling around like he always had. Still, a faint cry reached his ears:

“Lan Zhan, please, please don’t leave, _Lan Zhan_!” Wei Wuxian yelped after that, strangled and desperate. 

Lan Wangji froze, one foot still in the air. He set it back down gently, feeling his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Had Wei Wuxian discovered him, and asked him not to leave? No, that was impossible. Lan Wangji was barely close enough to hear, and he had made almost no sound at all himself. 

That did answer one question, though. Wei Wuxian had indeed carried Lan Wangji in his thoughts while he was... fooling around.

He couldn’t think about that. There were many reasons that could happen, and they didn’t mean what he might want them to mean. He could only see it through his own desires, and it would hurt them both if he assumed something that wasn’t true. He started walking again, wanting to go back to sleep and forget about this. He had infringed upon Wei Wuxian’s privacy, though the privacy offered by an open forest was dubious at best. He would not allow himself to think about it, despite the deeper, carnal side of him that wished to store those sounds in his mind for later. He pushed it away.

One thing did stick out, though, and it made his heart ache in a way he hadn’t expected. Wei Wuxian had begged him not to leave. That was not something he would have expected a person to call out during the throes of passion. Why would Wei Wuxian do such a thing?

He ruminated, thinking about how their relationship had grown since Wei Wuxian moved into his new body. It seemed as though he was worried that Lan Wangji would leave him. He again remembered how he urged Lan Wangji to abandon him after everyone else found out who he was. Did he really think Lan Wangji did not care for him? Did he really think Lan Wangji was only by his side for now, liable to slip from his grasp at any moment? 

Lan Wangji’s throat tightened, and his eyes grew red. His breath quickened, and he faltered in his steps and leaned on a tree. He had suffered heartbreak since Wei Wuxian had targeted him as a young man, playing with his feelings and not paying mind to them. He was used to covering his pain and not letting it show. What he could not handle was knowing that Wei Wuxian was in pain. He heard that desperate plea, _Lan Zhan, please, please don’t leave,_ over and over and a sob broke through his chest. Had Wei Wuxian really been this oblivious? Had he really felt so alone, so close to abandonment?

It was not hard to believe. Lan Wangji had always had difficultly expressing his love. His heart swelled with emotion so strong it could power storms, but all that could be expressed was one raindrop at a time. Wei Wuxian needed more than what he could give. Why was it so difficult for him, if Wei Wuxian needed to hear that Lan Wangji would never leave him? Why couldn’t he just tell him that he would be whatever Wei Wuxian needed and wanted?

Once his tears had fallen, Lan Wangji wiped them away and pulled himself back together. He walked back to the house in silence, feeling numb.

Wei Wuxian did not return to bed. Lan Wangji had difficulty going back to sleep, but eventually he must have, because the first rays of the sun fell on his face and woke him.

How late had he slept? It was a very rare occasion that Lan Wangji slept past five. He sat up, feeling drowsy, and his stomach growled. He got ready for the day a bit slower than usual, feeling off from his late sleep. Like the night before, he didn’t have a problem setting aside the things he had heard. At least, the more private aspects of them. Those had not been for him to hear, and he would not take advantage. He would not think about what they meant, because he would never be able to really know unless they spoke about it.

He ate some berries that he and Wei Wuxian had gathered from the forest to put off his hunger, then went out to look for him again.

He had not moved from the area he had been in before, and Lan Wangji found him sleeping in a tree nearby a creek, surrounded in a blanket and Lan Wangji’s robe. Lan Wangji made himself not take pleasure in the sight of him curled up in his robe, but it was difficult. He looked so serene.

“Wei Ying,” he called.

Wei Wuxian stirred, but slowly.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji called a bit softer.

This finally woke Wei Wuxian, who sat up and looked sheepish. “Ahaha! Lan Zhan!” He laughed, “Good morning! Why did it take you so long to find me? Didn’t you worry about where I had gone? The sun is already in the sky!”

Wei Wuxian didn’t know the half of it. Lan Wangji didn’t answer, and watched Wei Wuxian climb down the tree with the blanket and robe. He looked down Lan Wangji’s figure and gasped. “You’re wearing my—“ He stopped and glanced down at Lan Wangji’s robe, which was in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he laughed, “I took your robe by accident last night! Here, let’s trade. You look so strange in mine!”

Lan Wangji took off Wei Wuxian’s robe and they traded. When he put his own robe back on, it smelled like Wei Wuxian. He never wore any kind of perfume, but he did have a certain scent about him. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it might be plain to most. Lan Wangji liked it. He studied Wei Wuxian. He looked more rough than usual, and dark circles rested under his eyes. He had to ask, “Why did you not come back?”

Wei Wuxian looked at him with mischief. “Aw, did Lan Zhan miss me?”

Yes, he did. It was difficult to sleep alone now. “It is not good to sleep in trees. You need to sleep better. You will get ill.”

Wei Wuxian brushed him off, as usual. Lan Wangji listened to him ramble while he splashed creek water over his face, then they walked together back to the house. Lan Wangji felt troubled. Wei Wuxian was not acting any differently during the day, but he was clearly upset when night came. Lan Wangji did not know how to help him, and it was distressing.

They were on their way to the burial mounds, and who knew what waited for them there?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m amazed!! 120 Kudos and 36 subscriptions!! Thank you guys so much!!

It became easier after that first night.

Wei Wuxian was still guilty about having kissed Lan Wangji while he was drunk, but he vowed never to do it again. He knew now why he had done it — he had been suffering from unrealized attraction that suddenly boiled over at the wrong time. Now that he was no longer hiding it from himself, he could control when he allowed it through. For now, the bouts of guilt were being overshadowed by adoration for Lan Wangji.

While they walked, Wei Wuxian complained that his stomach hurt from the stab wound (which had long healed), and Lan Wangji picked him up and placed him on the donkey. He then told Lan Wangji to hold the reins, despite the donkey clearly not needing guidance. He thought about his own parents, and how this scene was just like the one he remembered from his childhood. He just needed a small child riding Lan Wangji’s shoulders. He felt as light as air, and nothing could dampen his bright spirits. 

As he played his flute and asked Lan Wangji about the song that had revealed his identity, he was giddy as could be. Lan Wangji had saved that song just for _him_! It probably didn’t mean much if he thought about it long enough, but he didn’t let that get to him. That was _his_ song. It was _their_ song. 

His mood wasn’t soured even as they found the little house whose owners were out, and even as they hid behind the hay bales for no reason when the owners came back. 

Lan Wangji was splayed out beneath him on the straw, and the intimate position evoked a strange feeling of excitement. He decided to not get up. Purposely putting up an act, he raised his index finger, gesturing for Lan WangJi not to make a sound. Then, he pretended that this couldn’t be helped. Comfortably, he lay on top of Lan WangJi, full of a secretive delight that couldn’t be brought to words.

The owners of the house were a young couple with a child, and the woman called her husband ‘Er-Gege,’ which made them both blink in surprise.

Wei Wuxian grinned and looked down at Lan Wangji. He winked and whispered teasingly, “What a coincidence. The owner of the farm is an ‘Er-Gege’ as well.”

With heavy eyes, Lan WangJi swept a look at him before turning away. Wei WuXian felt his heart melt. He lay beside his ears and called in a low voice, “Lan Er-Gege.”

Lan WangJi’s breaths seemed to have stuttered. The eyes he looked at him with seemed to hold a hint of a warning. The couple continued to talk, and Wei Wuxian continued to tease Lan Wangji with soft ‘Lan Er-Gege’s that could not be heard from normal ears.

Lan Wangji’s face grew tense, and watched him. Wei Wuxian was used to his stoic expressions, and wasn’t deterred at all. It wasn’t until Lan Wangji touched his cheek and whispered, “A-Ying,” that Wei Wuxian went quiet.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. Lan Wangji was supposed to ignore him, or shut him up, not treat him so affectionately. Then again, Wei Wuxian had been doing the same thing first. Was this his way of shutting Wei Wuxian up, using his own teasing against him?

Wei Wuxian didn’t know how to react. Lan Wangji was still touching his cheek and still looking at him with those light-colored eyes. It brought up all sorts of feelings that swirled inside of him and left him paralyzed. It was cruel. It felt so nice, so exciting to be looked at in such a way and called so intimately, but the knowledge that it wasn’t real was like being doused in ice water. He was swarmed by the urge to hold Lan Wangji’s face and kiss him, but that would ruin everything. Lan Wangji was just teasing him. Wei Wuxian could dish it out, but he couldn’t take it, apparently. 

He was saved by the sound of Wen Ning’s wretched attempts at roaring, and he was finally able to scramble away from Lan Wangji’s’ body.

Wen Ning gracefully didn’t say a word about Wei Wuxian’s solo adventure into the forest the night before, though when Lan Wangji turned away, he did give him some concerned glances, pointed between the two of them. Wei Wuxian shook his head with wide, threatening eyes. Wen Ning nodded and turned away.

As they walked after that, Wei Wuxian again grew guilty. Lan Wangji was someone who was careful with personal space. The only time he ever broke that was when it was for Wei Wuxian’s safety. He always kept a polite distance, even when sleeping. Every other time they had been close enough to touch was Wei Wuxian’s initiative. Did he really have to lay himself on top of Lan Wangji like that? Did he have the right to feel excited by the position? Did he have the right to feel true longing in response to Lan Wangji’s attempt at teasing him back? _Had he the right to kiss him without his knowing?_

Wei Wuxian frowned. He needed to get over this. It was going to eat him alive, otherwise. What would Lan Wangji do if he confessed to kissing him? He probably wouldn’t leave just from that alone, if Wei Wuxian was smart about his wording and made it out to be just a mistake he made while drunk. Would that ease Wei Wuxian’s heart? Perhaps he could pit it to Mo Xuanyu’s cut-sleeve tendencies. He wasn’t above groveling on his knees for Lan Wangji’s tolerance of him. 

* * *

It was another sleepless night, but this time they were situated in an inn. It was sparsely populated, and the owner tried his best to give them two rooms instead of one since there was so much open space, but Lan Wangji had refused and asked for only one room, as usual.

Wei Wuxian had crawled out of bed once already to wander around the halls before returning and attempting sleep again. It was just past midnight now, and he was crowded as far as he could get to the edge of the bed. It wasn’t lust that bothered him this time, but just pure remorse. He was planning to tell Lan Wangji as soon as they woke up, so that they would have the whole day to recover from it and be distracted by other things.

That plan didn’t seem like it was going to work out. Wei Wuxian was sick with anxiety, and he kept thinking about it. On a whim, he whispered softly, “Are you awake?”

It was so soft that he could barely hear it himself, but Lan Wangji had heard it and responded, “Mn.”

“I’m sorry for keeping you awake,” Wei Wuxian whispered.

Lan Wangji did not answer. Wei Wuxian turned onto his side to face him. It was now or never. “HanGuang-Jun,” he started, still in a whisper, “There is something I need to tell you.”

Silence fell between them as Lan Wangji waited and Wei Wuxian struggled to keep himself together. He pulled the blanket up over his mouth and curled into a tight ball as if that would protect him. “I’m afraid,” he admitted, his voice no longer a whisper but still very small and muffled behind the blanket.

“What are you afraid of?” Lan Wangji’s voice was deep and clear.

“That you will hate me once I tell you,” Wei Wuxian said, “That you will leave me.”

Lan Wangji’s tone did not change, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell what he was feeling. “What do you need to tell me?”

Wei Wuxian rubbed his mouth against the blanket anxiously. Now was the time for him to admit what he had done; he may not be able to admit the extent of his feelings, but he could at least begin to let it out. “The second time you drank with me,” he began slowly, his voice wavering, “I...” He stopped, unable to go on when Lan Wangji’s body tensed up and he breathed in through his nose.

“Start from the beginning,” Lan Wangji said, not allowing room for argument.

Wei Wuxian shrunk even more into himself. He swallowed and took a deep breath. If he wanted the whole story, then Wei Wuxian would give it to him. It was easier than admitting how it ended, at least. He shakily told the story, pausing every now and then to gather himself. “You fell asleep, so I went outside. When you woke up, you followed me, and I... I’m sorry, HanGuang-Jun... I wanted to mess with you a little bit. I told you to take off your forehead ribbon, and you did. Then you tied up my hands with it, and... pulled me back inside and showed the young disciples what you had done. I—“ He chewed on his lip. “I didn’t know what your forehead ribbon meant before. I told them that you were showing them a way to tie up a corpse if they wanted to bring it back to study.”

Wei Wuxian waited a moment to see if Lan Wangji would react to this, but he didn’t. It was easier to talk now that he had started. He continued, “We went upstairs to our room and you sat me on the bed and I teased you, so you put your hand over my mouth to silence me. I wanted you to remove it, so I... licked your hand. You were alarmed and acted like I had hurt you, and... I guess I thought that was funny. You were holding your hand up to your chest in a strange way. I chased you around the room, and I threatened to lick you again if I caught you, but after that you stopped and turned around and put my hands behind your neck and told me that I caught you. I licked your hand again and you ran away — HanGuang-Jun, don’t feel bad! I have done a lot worse when I was drunk!” When he said that in order to comfort Lan Wangji about his strange behavior, he quieted down again, remembering why he was telling the story. The important part was coming up, and Wei Wuxian didn’t want to keep going anymore. Lan Wangji was being too quiet, though that was only normal. It still unnerved Wei Wuxian at the moment, with the kind of story he was telling.

“Continue,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian took another deep breath. “Okay. You wanted to do it again, so I chased you around and you stopped and put my hands behind your neck again. I licked your hand again, but I didn’t let you run away this time.” His voice got smaller. When he continued, he was whispering again. “I kissed your hand, and... HanGuang-Jun, please don’t be angry... I kissed you on the lips.”

Lan Wangji suddenly sat up, and Wei Wuxian nearly fell off the bed in fear. “HanGuang-Jun, I’m sorry!” He pleaded, “I don’t know why I did it, I just... I just saw you, and you were so close, and... I swear, I didn’t mean to! As soon as I realized I got away and I sat on the ground for the rest of the night, I— please don’t be angry!”

Lan Wangji was quiet and stared at the wall ahead of them, and Wei Wuxian’s anxiety rose. He didn’t dare move, and his breath was shallow. He swallowed then asked, “Are you going to leave me?”

It was silent for another unbearable thirty seconds, before Lan Wangji looked down at his lap and said, “It would be hypocritical if I did so.”

That wasn’t really the answer Wei Wuxian had expected. He lay back down and stared at Lan Wangji’s back with wide eyes. “How would you be a hypocrite?” He asked, “You haven’t done anything to me.”

More silence fell across the room, except for Wei Wuxian’s nervous breathing and pounding heart. Eventually, Lan Wangji said, his voice softer than usual, “Phoenix Mountain hunting grounds. You blindfolded yourself.”

It took only a few seconds for those words to register. That was in his previous life, but the current context brought the memory back to him plainly. He had asked Lan Wangji for his forehead ribbon to blindfold himself, but had been denied and used his own wrist guard ribbon to do so instead. He had walked into the forest blind, and relaxed on a tree limb. Then...

Wei Wuxian bolted upright. “That was you?!” He shouted, surprising himself with his volume. Lan Wangji hummed in affirmation, and Wei Wuxian thought back to that distant memory. He had been curious when the stranger had first approached, then alarmed when he was forcefully pushed back and held down. He remembered relaxing as warm lips encased his own and stole his first kiss. He remembered the aggression that had entered the kiss as the stranger opened his mouth and his tongue dove in, desperate and strong. At the time, he had assumed it was a maiden, too shy to approach him unless he was unaware of her.

Wei Wuxian was shaking. That stranger had not been a stranger at all; he remembered finding Lan Wangji shortly after that, throwing a tantrum in the forest and cutting down trees. He had yelled at Wei Wuxian to get away, but he had stuck with him and teased and taunted him about first kisses. He could only imagine the emotional wreck that Lan Wangji must have been to have such an outburst. “When I found you afterward,” he began hesitantly, toying with his hands in his lap, “You were so upset.”

“I lost control,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian swallowed. “I remember I teased you after that,” he said weakly, “And when you asked me... if I had had a kiss before and I lied and said I had tons of experience. I’m sorry. I was mean.”

“I knew this, and I asked anyway,” Lan Wangji said.

“Still,” Wei Wuxian insisted, “I... I was...” He thought back to how he used to be when he was young. A question burned in his mind. “Why did you...?” Wei Wuxian looked up at Lan Wangji, but he was still staring ahead, his face hidden in darkness but his profile illuminated by the moonlight’s silver lining. Lan Wangji didn’t give him anything, so Wei Wuxian finished his question. “Why did you kiss me?”

Lan Wangji glanced back down. “You answer that first.”

Wei Wuxian looked away and thought about it. Why _had_ he kissed him? Was it okay to tell the truth? Clearly, Lan Wangji had done the same thing he had done, so they were even now. “I...” He thought about that night and sighed. “You were so close to me. I looked up at you, and I saw you looking at me like you were, and I saw your lips...” He put his hand over his mouth and whispered, “They looked so soft and pink. I kissed you because... because I wanted to.”

He glanced at Lan Wangji from the side, but he was still in the same position. They sat side-by-side, staring down at their laps like two teenage boys that had been caught guilty. “My answer is the same,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian thought about this for a while. Lan Wangji had seen him all those years ago, clueless and vulnerable, and had _wanted_ him. Those strange feelings of desire that had been plaguing Wei Wuxian for the past few days, Lan Wangji had felt too. How long had he felt that way? How far did it go? Did he still want him?

Wei Wuxian lay back down and stared at Lan Wangji’s back again. “So, both of us have stolen kisses from each other without the other knowing about it,” he said.

“Mnn.”

“I have a question,” Wei Wuxian asked, battling back the feelings of anticipation that were threatening to rise up. He had to make sure of something first.

“Mnn.”

“You kissed me many years ago,” Wei Wuxian said, “While I did so recently. I have a new body now too, one that isn’t as handsome or toned as my original one. Those feelings you had before... are they still...?”

“Yes.”

The use of an actual word surprised Wei Wuxian, but the meaning behind it surprised him even more. All of the anticipation and glee shot out from the mental closet they had been shoved into, and he wiggled around in the bed, not knowing what to do with himself. “Lan Zhan,” he said softly once he had calmed down.

“Mnn.”

“Will you kiss me?”

There was no answer, and Wei Wuxian grew anxious again. He sat up. “Are you nervous?” He asked. Lan Wangji turned his head away, and Wei Wuxian took that as a yes. “No one will know about it,” he whispered urgently, “I won’t tell a soul. Lan Zhan, please. I want to feel your lips again.”

Lan Wangji twitched, but stayed where he was, looking away from Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian shifted in his seat. “What can I do to make it not scary? Do you want me blindfolded again? I won’t even see anything.” 

Lan Wangji turned his head slightly back, as if he were hesitating. His lips parted as if he were going to say something, but they closed again. After a few seconds, they parted once more, then closed. Eventually, “Hmm.”

It wasn’t his usual hum of affirmation, but rather a hesitant sound. Still, Wei Wuxian did not wait another second. He flew out of bed and went to where he had tossed his robes, and pulled the black sash from his own. He tied it around his head, leaving the knot slightly to the side so it wouldn’t bother him when he lay down. He felt his way back to the bed and flopped down on his back. “Lan Zhan,” he said eagerly, “I’m ready. Are you going to kiss me now? You can tie me up too like you did that night. You seemed to like that.” All of the guilt and remorse he had felt before was completely gone, and now all he felt was giddiness and anticipation.

The bed shifted slightly as Lan Wangji turned around and moved toward him. Wei Wuxian wiggled excitedly. He felt weight on either side of his body now as Lan Wangji straddled him, and soon his hands were being moved so that his wrists were held next to each other. A ribbon was being tied around them, holding them together. 

“Aah, Lan Zhan, are you using your forehead ribbon again? It’s just like that night! Now that I think about it, you held my hands back when you kissed me back then too. Do you not want me touching you?” Lan Wangji moved his hands up so they were right above his head, and Wei Wuxian grinned in excitement. The position was vulnerable, and he liked it.

His grin faltered when Lan Wangji said, “Do not move.”

“What?” He started to sit up, but Lan Wangji pushed him back down a moment later.

“Do not move.”

At the insistent tone, Wei Wuxian let himself be pushed down. He heard Lan Wangji’s steps move away from him, and he whined. “Lan Zhan? Where are you going?”

“Do not move,” Lan Wangji said again.

Wei Wuxian huffed. There wasn’t much he could do with his wrists tied and eyes covered. Anxiety nagged at him again, but he shook it off. Lan Wangji liked him and wanted to kiss him. He had said so. He wouldn’t leave Wei Wuxian for no good reason.

While he waited, he pondered over the situation. There were so many things he wanted to ask. How long had Lan Wangji felt this way for him? Was it mere sexual attraction, or did it go deeper than that? He thought about the fantasy he had had earlier that day, with Lan Wangji setting him on the donkey and pulling the lead, an imaginary little one riding Lan Wangji’s shoulders. How would he feel about that, if he knew what Wei Wuxian had been thinking? He could only hope that he shared those fantasies. Perhaps those fantasies could become reality. Perhaps they could buy a cottage in several years and live out their days together, farming and making their own way. They could raise children too. There were plenty of orphanages to visit. Wei Wuxian knew in his heart that he and Lan Wangji would make the perfect parents.

He sighed and beamed, rocking from side to side on the bed. He didn’t care about anything else at the moment. All of the struggles they faced ahead of them were too far away and insignificant for Wei Wuxian to worry about. Lan Wangji liked him in _that_ way, and maybe even loved him too. He wasn’t going to be left behind, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for porn next chapter :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love that WWX canonically doesn’t like his nipples being pinched.

Wei Wuxian grinned as soon as he heard the door open. “You’re back!” He said, “You took so long, Lan Zhan! What were you doing?”

Lan Wangji didn’t answer, but returned to the bed. Strong hands spread his legs apart and he felt the heat of Lan Wangji’s body as he hovered over him. He felt fingers cupping his cheek before he felt those warm lips on his again.

Lan Wangji kissed him briefly and softly, always pulling away after each one despite Wei Wuxian trying to chase his lips. Their noses brushed, and Wei Wuxian wished his hands were free so he could hold Lan Wangji’s head and keep him from moving away like that. Lan Wangji apparently grew tired of Wei Wuxian chasing him, so he ran a hand through the hair on his head so that when Wei Wuxian tried to move up to meet him, it pulled his scalp. He whined impatiently.

Eventually, Wei Wuxian gave up and let Lan Wangji kiss him as he pleased. He tried to sit back and enjoy the moment without getting ahead of himself. It was too much after a moment, though, and he couldn’t help but try to hold onto his lips while they were close. He took Lan Wangji’s bottom lip between his and sucked hard. Lan Wangji hesitated, but again pulled away. Wei Wuxian did the same thing again the next time, and Lan Wangji nipped him in reprimand. That didn’t faze Wei Wuxian, who nipped his lip back and grinned.

He tried to move up again, but the grip in his hair held him back. He laughed, “Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji kissed him again, but opened his mouth this time. Wei Wuxian immediately stuck his tongue out and ran it under Lan Wangji’s lips before brushing it against his tongue. It was just like the fantasy he had had before, but this time Lan Wangji was on top of him. Like before, he didn’t care how they were positioned, as long as he could have him.

Lan Wangji took a moment to get the hang of it, but soon he was kissing Wei Wuxian passionately, breathing heavily through his nose as their tongues rubbed against each other and around the other’s mouth. Wei Wuxian occasionally took Lan Wangji’s lips between his teeth, or sucked on his lips or tongue. After he nipped particularly hard, Lan Wangji pulled away and didn’t come back again. Wei Wuxian pouted. “Okay, I won’t bite so hard any—“

He broke off with a gasp as Lan Wangji’s mouth attached to his neck and sucked. The sensation was strange and went straight to his groin. “Ah,” he panted, “Lan Zhan? That feels good.” He shifted his body upwards, needing _something_ , and he started to wrap his legs around Lan Wangji’s waist. Lan Wangji took away the hand he had been using to hold himself up and his body pressed against Wei Wuxian while the hand slipped between them. Wei Wuxian didn’t dare breathe, waiting for the hand to go between his legs, but it didn’t. It stopped at his lower abdomen, pushing down on the admittedly soft stomach while Lan Wangji’s lower body moved away.

Wei Wuxian made a sound of disbelief. “What? Lan Zhan!” He tried to wrap his legs around Lan Wangji’s waist again, desperate to keep him close, but the hand was replaced by a knee. Lan Wangji once again propped himself up on his forearm while his knee kept Wei Wuxian pinned to the bed.

With Wei Wuxian properly confined, Lan Wangji continued his attack on his neck, taking a piece of skin between his teeth and biting. Wei Wuxian’s body jerked with the pain, and he gasped loudly. Lan Wangji released his skin and started to suck on the spot, and Wei Wuxian writhed. The knee holding him down suddenly became not so bad, as Lan Wangji’s shin was pressing softly between his legs. When he pressed his hips up, Lan Wangji stayed still, and the pressure against his growing erection was delicious. 

Blindfolded and unable to see, wrists bound above his head, legs spread and left immobilized, Wei Wuxian was on fire. He arched his back and lifted his hips off the ground, grinding into Lan Wangji’s shin. “Lan Zhan,” he panted.

Lan Wangji gracefully kept his knee where it was and let Wei Wuxian rub against it like a hooligan, and he untied the sash holding his undershirt together. Pushing the sides apart, he laid more kisses against his lower neck and collarbone, paying special attention to the soft skin above it. Every time he nipped, Wei Wuxian jumped and gasped, and electricity went through his whole body.

The things they were doing were absolutely disgraceful, but Wei Wuxian felt no shame. He felt naughty and scandalous, perhaps, but he wasn’t going to stop for anything. Lan Wangji was reciprocating, and that was all that mattered.

Lan Wangji moved down to his chest, and Wei Wuxian stiffened as he feared he was going to bite the sensitive nub. Before he could say anything, Lan Wangji’s teeth pinched it, and he yelped, bringing his bound arms back over his chest to hide his nipples.

“No!” He said, “That hurts too much, don’t bite it...”

Lan Wangji pushed his arms back above his head and replied, “Mmm,” and drew his tongue flat over the nipple instead.

That made Wei Wuxian shiver almost violently. Lan Wangji asked, “Is that okay?”

How considerate! Wei Wuxian was right; Lan Wangji would make a dreamy husband. He nodded. “That’s okay,” he said, “Lick and suck but nothing else, please.”

“Mm.” 

Lan Wangji licked it again, then his whole mouth surrounded it and he sucked, making an outright obscene and wet sound. Wei Wuxian arched his back again and whimpered, his body shaking. “That’s good, that feels good,” he said, his voice sounding a lot more high pitched and weak than normal.

Lan Wangji kept mouthing at his chest, and Wei Wuxian started to press his hips up again. Lan Wangji shifted, and breathed out heavy against his wet nipple as his knee moved from his stomach to between his legs. Wei Wuxian kept his hips in the air as he ground frantically against Lan Wangji’s knee. “Lan Zhan,” he squeaked.

Lan Wangji moved to his other nipple, and the one he left became cold without the warm mouth lapping at it. He writhed underneath Lan Wangji, whining and panting. He tried desperately to get friction against his erection, but it wasn’t enough. It was almost painful now. He was about to beg Lan Wangji to untie his pants and tug at it, but he realized that if he did that, this would end. It was still too soon, and he wanted this to last as long as it could. He dragged his lip between his teeth and held in his begging for the moment.

Lan Wangji finally let go of Wei Wuxian’s hair, and that hand now moved to gently rub at his other nipple. Wei Wuxian was grateful for his gentleness, and let out a soft, breathy moan to show his appreciation. “Lan Zhan,” he whimpered, “This feels so good.”

Lan Wangji continued for a few moments, and Wei Wuxian melted underneath him. Eventually, he felt his pants being untied, and that feeling like electricity once again went through him, making him shiver. Lan Wangji moved away from his chest and pulled off all of the underclothes from Wei Wuxian’s waist down, leaving him with only his undershirt barely still on his body. Suddenly feeling shy, Wei Wuxian tried to lift up his knees to cover himself, but Lan Wangji firmly spread them apart. Wei Wuxian regretted offering to blindfold himself. He needed to see Lan Wangji’s face! His face burned hot as blood flushed to his cheeks, and he shivered with both the cold and the vulnerability he felt.

His cock was fully hard, and it was just sitting out in the open before Lan Wangji, who was doing nothing. He licked his lips and thought of something to say, but Lan Wangji asked him, “Are you okay?”

Wei Wuxian hadn’t been expecting the question. He paused, then nodded. “Are _you_ okay?” He asked. It felt only right to ask; Lan Wangji was being so considerate with him. 

“Mnn.”

Wei Wuxian shivered again, and gasped when he felt Lan Wangji’s mouth on his inner thigh. It was such a sensitive area, and he desperately wanted him to move just a bit further down. What would it feel like to have Lan Wangji’s mouth around his cock? It pulsated as Wei Wuxian imagined it, and he whimpered. Lan Wangji was mouthing at his inner thigh, and then bit down.

Wei Wuxian gasped loudly and jumped. Lan Wangji pulled away and asked, “Are you okay?”

Wei Wuxian took a shaky breath. He nodded. “Yes. I think. That surprised me. Why are you biting me so much?”

“I wish to leave a bruise.”

Wei Wuxian blinked under his blindfold. He had forgotten that sucking and biting on a spot left bruises. He had learned that fact from his peers as a teenager, when a boy tried to hide his neck after sneaking off to see a maiden. He wondered what his own neck looked like; Lan Wangji had aggressively sucked and nipped at it for a while. The man was back at it with his thigh, not biting so hard this time but still making Wei Wuxian gasp and jerk a bit with his teeth. 

When Wei Wuxian thought he couldn’t handle it anymore, Lan Wangji pulled away. He was quiet for a short moment, then said, “I will try something.” He took in a breath. “Tell me... if... you want to stop.”

Wei Wuxian nodded and smiled. “You’re so considerate, Lan Zhan. Such a good lover!” His tone might have sounded teasing, but he meant it. “What are you going to try?” His smile faltered as he imagined the horrible: Lan Wangji biting his erection. He tried to shield himself again. “You’re not going to bite _it_ , are you?!”

Lan Wangji held his legs apart still. “No,” he said.

Wei Wuxian relaxed. He was still on guard, though. Lan Wangji shifted slightly, and Wei Wuxian heard him messing with something, but he didn’t explain. “Lan Zhan, what are you doing?” He whispered.

Lan Wangji didn’t answer. Wei Wuxian realized after he asked that Lan Wangji probably wouldn’t explain even if he wanted to. Even though they were doing such things to each other, saying them out loud... was a different thing. Even Wei Wuxian was shy about it! He would have to just let Lan Wangji do what he wanted and tell him to stop if he didn’t like it. He shivered with anticipation. 

Lan Wangji finally took Wei Wuxian’s lower legs and shifted them so his legs were bent and his feet were closer to his body. Wei Wuxian waited patiently, curious as to what he was going to do. 

He felt a cold sensation down there and quickly realized Lan Wangji had a wet finger tracing his hole. He gasped. “Lan Zh- are you going to...? With your...? I don’t think it will fit!”

“No,” Lan Wangji assured him, “Just... my finger. Is that okay?”

Wei Wuxian swallowed. “Have you heard of this before? Is it going to hurt?”

“It should not hurt. Tell me if it does and I will stop.”

That made Wei Wuxian feel better. Lan Wangji seemed like he knew what he was doing. He took a deep, shaky breath and nodded. Lan Wangji continued to circle his hole, then his finger dipped inside. Wei Wuxian shivered. 

“Relax,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian didn’t relax for a moment. He felt wound up, unable to relax even if he wanted to. This was so new and strange, and he wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not. Lan Wangji told him to relax again, and he focused on forcing himself to relax his body. He wanted to tense up again as soon as Lan Wangji’s finger went further in, though.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, “Relax. It may hurt if you do not.”

“I’m trying,” Wei Wuxian said. A part of him wanted to tell Lan Wangji to stop, that it wasn’t worth it, but most of him was curious and excited. There was something intriguing about being spread out before Lan Wangji while he explored an unthinkable part of him. It was a primal, unknown feeling and Wei Wuxian craved it. Besides, he would always tell Lan Wangji to stop later if he changed his mind. He relaxed his body again, trying to focus on Lan Wangji and not the finger inside of him. 

After a moment, Lan Wangji asked, “How does it feel?”

Wei Wuxian frowned. “It’s... weird.”

“Hm. Not good?”

Wei Wuxian hesitated. Was it supposed to feel good? In those cutsleeve erotica he used to peek at, it seemed like the one receiving was enjoying himself. Was he... not able to feel pleasure from it? “Lan Zhan, maybe this isn’t— ah!” His body jerked as a strange and overwhelming feeling coursed through him, beginning where Lan Wangji’s finger was.

Lan Wangji pulled his finger out. “Are you okay?”

Wei Wuxian swallowed. “I think...” He thought about that feeling had had just experienced, and decided that he wanted to feel it again. “I think I liked that. Do it again?”

Lan Wangji inserted his finger again, and Wei Wuxian could feel him curl it inside of him. That feeling came back, and his hips jutted up involuntarily and he was unable to breathe. It was overwhelming and electrifying, and he decided that he definitely liked it. He gasped for air, and a desperate, choked sound left his throat. He tried to say Lan Wangji’s name, but it wouldn’t come out.

Lan Wangji stopped doing whatever that thing was. Wei Wuxian collapsed back on the bed and panted, his body shaking. After a few seconds, he heard, “Wei Ying.”

It sounded like a question. Wei Wuxian took a deep breath. “Is there a way to... not do it so hard? I like it, but... I want to see what it’s like when I can breathe.”

“Mn.” 

The finger moved slowly in and out, and Wei Wuxian chewed on his lip. Lan Wangji didn’t curl his finger this time, but angled it a bit upwards. It rubbed against that spot gently, and a much less overwhelming but just as pleasurable sensation bloomed throughout Wei Wuxian’s middle region and he gave a long, satisfied moan. “Oh, _yes_...” He arched his back and pulled on the ribbon binding his wrists, wishing to dig his hands into the sheets. “Lan Zhan, this is so good... _oh_!” He started to move his hips in small, jerking movements, not completely by will. His body was acting on instinct, searching for more.

Lan Wangji didn’t go any harder or do anything else for a good few minutes. Wei Wuxian let him work that sweet spot over and over, occasionally changing from in-and-out movements to side-to-side and toying around the edge of it, but not pushing any harder. The more Wei Wuxian got used to the feeling, the more he enjoyed it. It wasn’t so strange anymore.

“Lan Zhan...” Wei Wuxian breathed out.

“Mn.”

“Start... a little harder?”

Lan Wangji obeyed immediately, curling his finger a little bit and adding more pressure. The feeling intensified, and Wei Wuxian’s hips jerked, but he was able to relax them again this time. He breathed harder and his whole body started to move in smooth waves, his hips undulating up and down as he rode the sensation. “Lan Zhan, you’re so good to me,” he forced out, his voice strained, “You’re so good to me, always.”

“Wei Ying.”

The way Lan Wangji uttered his name, low and breathy, made him shiver. He was unprepared when he felt wet warmth surround his erection, and a firm hand holding down his hips was the only thing that kept him from shoving down Lan Wangji’s throat. The very idea of what Lan Wangji was doing was enough to send sparks up his spine, and he choked out a dry sob. Lan Wangji took more of him into his mouth, but there wasn’t nearly enough pressure. He flitted his tongue around the head and Wei Wuxian felt saliva dripping down his shaft. The hand that was holding him down moved to collect it and spread it around the shaft, lubricating it. The finger in his hole was still moving, not going any harder or softer, keeping him taught and sensitive.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian squeaked, his voice high pitched and weak again. Lan Wangji had a way of making him into a completely different person, it seemed.

Lan Wangji pulled his mouth away, but the hand stayed, lightly running up and down the slick shaft. Had he just been using his mouth to make it slippery enough? Wei Wuxian whined. “Lan Zhan, that felt so good. Why did you stop?”

“I want to watch you.”

That shut Wei Wuxian up. He swallowed and felt his neck and face grow hot and flushed. Lan Wangji wanted to watch him? It wasn’t surprising, given what they were doing, but hearing it from Lan Wangji’s mouth was overwhelming. “Oh,” he said, “You want to watch me?”

“Mn.”

Wei Wuxian needed to hear more. He was growing frustrated, with the finger inside of him and the hand around him not going hard enough. What he wanted at the moment, though, was to hear what Lan Wangji thought about him. “Lan Zhan,” he said, “What you just said made me feel so good. Tell me more?”

Lan Wangji’s movements slowed, and Wei Wuxian could tell he was hesitating. Lan Wangji had never been one to use his words. Wei Wuxian needed to help him out. “Can you tell me why you want to watch me?”

More silence. 

“Is that too hard? Can you... can you tell me what you like, then?” Wei Wuxian whimpered, wishing those hands would go back to doing what they had been doing. “You taking pleasure from me, it makes me feel so good, Lan Zhan, I want to hear what you want. Anything. I want you so bad... do you want me?”

“Yes,” Lan Wangji said, his voice soft and low. “I...” He took a breath, and his hands started to work again, making Wei Wuxian whimper. “I enjoy... serving you.”

Wei Wuxian shivered again and gasped at the sound of those words. His breath was shaky.

“I want... to watch you...” Lan Wangji made a faint sound of frustration. A moment later, he said, “I want to watch you unravel. I want to _make_ you unravel.”

Wei Wuxian curled up a bit, then dropped back down on the bed, his body unable to sit still. The words were so simple, nothing like the kinds of things that were usually said in erotic works, but they still made Wei Wuxian lose himself. He wanted to encourage and reward Lan Wangji for those words. “You’re unraveling me, Lan Zhan,” he panted, “I’m all spread out and vulnerable for you, just for you!”

The hand around his length tightened just a bit and both hands sped up. Wei Wuxian grunted and spread his legs further apart. “Do you like hearing that?” He asked, his voice breaking, “I’ll say it again. I’m spread out and vulnerable just for you! Lan Zhan is the only one who can see me like this, Lan Zhan is the only one who can unravel me, no one else can have me!”

Lan Wangji’s finger was pushing hard against his sweet spot now, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t talk anymore as his body became stiff and shaking and strained moans left his throat. His breaths were shallow and quick. “Lan Zhan,” he forced out, though the words were barely formed, “Lan Zhan, yes, Lan Zhan, that’s so good, so good, so good, keep going, harder— ah, ah, ah! Ah! Harder! Yes! Lan Zhan!” His voice grew in volume and pitch. He could feel his orgasm coming, and his upper body lurched forward. “It’s coming! Lan Zhan! I’m gonna— Yes! Faster, faster, Lan Zhaaan- _aah!_ ” He suddenly sprang back, his back arching and his head pushing into the bed as he came harder than he had ever before, his body shaking almost violently with the pleasure that took over his middle region. Lan Wangji continued to work him even after he was done, until his body stopped shaking and he collapsed on the bed. Lan Wangji took away his hands while Wei Wuxian breathed hard and heavy.

“Wow,” he panted, “Lan Zhan... that was so good. How did you know about that?”

Lan Wangji didn’t answer. Wei Wuxian wasn’t going to push him at the moment, and simply enjoyed the bliss. He felt as though he were light as air, and he would drift away any minute. When his head cleared a bit, he licked his lips. “Lan Zhan,” he said quietly, “Can I help you now? I want to make you feel good too.” He pulled his wrists. “Can you untie me?”

“No.”

Wei Wuxian frowned. “Why?”

Lan Wangji was quiet, then said in a hesitant tone, “I will untie you if you wish. However I... would rather you to stay bound.”

Wei Wuxian chewed on his lip. Lan Wangji wanted him like this, but he would let Wei Wuxian go if he really wanted. His goal was to bring Lan Wangji to orgasm, though, so Wei Wuxian was willing to work around not having free hands if it helped achieve that. “If I can’t use my hands,” he began, “How do you want me to help you? You can put it in my mouth.” A mischievous smile crossed his lips.

It was quiet for half a minute, then Lan Wangji said, “No. I need to see you.”

Wasn’t the sight of Wei Wuxian’s mouth around Lan Wangji’s cock enough? Wei Wuxian didn’t argue, though. He was about to say he needed his hands before Lan Wangji took his legs and brought them back together. Keeping his thighs together, Lan Wangji spread his lower legs apart and set his feet on the bed. The position was a bit awkward, but Wei Wuxian allowed him to do what he pleased, curious about where this was going. A moment later, Lan Wangji’s fingers rubbed between his thighs. They were coated in something, and it felt more like the stuff that had been on his finger rather than the saliva that had slicked up his erection. “Where did you get oil?” He asked.

“Kitchen,” Lan Wangji said.

“Oooh, that’s where you had gone?” Wei Wuxian pondered while Lan Wangji thoroughly oiled up his inner thighs. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t want to hurt you.”

Wei Wuxian thought about that for a minute. By the time he realized what Lan Wangji was going to do, he heard the brief rustling of cloth and then Lan Wangji’s knees slid between his feet and backside. Wei Wuxian bit his lip when he felt a hot, rigid cock slide between his thighs. “Lan Zhan,” he breathed out. He wanted so badly to touch it...

Lan Wangji put his hands on either side of Wei Wuxian’s torso and moved his hips slowly. Wei Wuxian huffed. “Lan Zhan,” he said, “Can you take my blindfold off?”

“No.”

Wei Wuxian whined. “I want to see you! I _need_ to see you. Your face is always so unbreakable and I want to see it. You got to watch me unravel, can’t I watch you too? It’s only fair!”

Lan Wangji stopped moving, then sighed. Wei Wuxian grinned when he felt Lan Wangji untying the blindfold. His grin faltered when he pulled it off, though. The sight was just too amazing. 

Lan Wangji was still fully dressed, though his robes were slightly parted and Wei Wuxian could catch a glimpse of his milky white skin above where his pants had been pushed down just enough. Anything of importance was hidden behind Wei Wuxian’s knees. His face was flushed, though his expression was the same as usual. 

Wei Wuxian smiled up at him. “You’re so beautiful, Lan Zhan,” he said softly.

Lan Wangji’s expression didn’t seem to change much, but Wei Wuxian could see desire in the way his eyes widened, showing dilated pupils, and his chest expanded as he took in a breath. He started to push into Wei Wuxian’s thighs again, and Wei Wuxian glanced down as he saw the tip of Lan Wangji’s cock peeking out between his thighs before disappearing again. 

He was unable to look away, and his own cock twitched at the sight, despite having an orgasm so recently. He licked his lips and breathed through his open mouth, desire pooling in his stomach as he watched Lan Wangji fuck his thighs. He wished Lan Wangji had agreed to put it in his mouth. It probably wouldn’t taste good, but that made it even more appealing. There was something about how depraved it was, how lewd and vulgar what they were doing was that made him drool with desire. Just as Lan Wangji was the only one who could unravel Wei Wuxian in this way, Wei Wuxian was the only one who could see Lan Wangji in such a state.

Comments danced at the tip of his tongue, and he glanced up at Lan Wangji. “Would it help you if I told you what I’m thinking, or do you want me to be quiet?”

It was the first time Wei Wuxian had ever offered to shut his mouth in either lifetime. Still, Lan Wangji said, “You may speak.”

Wei Wuxian didn’t hesitate. “I want you so bad, Lan Zhan. I’ve wanted you for days now and I was going to just hide it but I’m so glad I don’t have to. You’re so beautiful and you’re so good to me, you’re so strong and perfect and I want to be yours, I want you to make me yours.”

Lan Wangji’s lips parted and he sped up a bit. His hair fell around his shoulders, long and soft. Wei Wuxian wished he could grab it. “How disgraceful is it that I want you in my mouth?” Wei Wuxian asked, his eyes bright, “Seeing you fucking me like this, it’s addicting.” Lan Wangji ducked his head and breathed out hard. “I want you to... to hold the back of my head and do what you’re doing in my mouth. The only downside is that I wouldn’t get to watch your beautiful face, or tell you how much I want you.” His eyes suddenly widened. “How amazing would it be if you put it where your finger was a minute ago? I don’t think it would fit, but what if it did? What if you could fuck _me_?”

Lan Wangji shuddered and a soft groan left him. The sound, low and primal, made Wei Wuxian’s cock twitch again. “I’m going to get hard again, Lan Zhan,” he said, “I want you so bad, I want you inside me, I want you to fuck me.”

Lan Wangji was thrusting fast and hard, shoving Wei Wuxian’s legs each time. His eyes were glazed as they watched Wei Wuxian, and his brows furrowed slightly. His mouth was still open and panting. Wei Wuxian set his feet firmly on the bed and squeezed his thighs together, trying his best to flex around Lan Wangji’s cock. Lan Wangji’s eyes widened and he gasped, then a breathy moan left him and made Wei Wuxian shiver.

“Your voice is so deep and arousing,” Wei Wuxian said, “Oh, I can’t get enough of it. You sound so good.” He kept his thighs firm and watched Lan Wangji’s face hungrily. “Does this feel good?”

“Yes,” Lan Wangji choked out, “Wei _Ying_.” 

Wei Wuxian wanted to spread his legs and guide Lan Wangji inside of him, but he knew that would hurt a lot and ruin everything, so he resisted it. “I want you to fuck me at some point, Lan Zhan,” he said, “I don’t know how to make it fit, but we can figure it out.” His eyes glinted. “And if you’re okay with it I’d like to fuck you too.”

Lan Wangji’s eyes widened at that last part, and he groaned and shoved harder than ever into Wei Wuxian’s thighs. A few seconds later, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth fell open as his body tensed up. A strangled moan fought through, and Wei Wuxian drank it up and stored it in his memory. Semen shot out from between Wei Wuxian’s thighs and landed on his chest, and one string of it landed on his face. He waited until Lan Wangji’s eyes slowly opened before he smirked dragged his tongue over his lips, getting what he could reach. It tasted better than his own, from what he could remember, but it was still kind of gross. The look of aroused shock on Lan Wangji’s face made it worth it, though.

“If you untie my hands I’ll get the rest of it too,” Wei Wuxian said.

Lan Wangji glanced up at his wrists, which were still bound by his forehead ribbon, and reached over to untie them. Wei Wuxian was surprised that he actually did it, but not unpleasantly so. He rolled his hands and then used a finger to wipe up the semen from his face and set it on his tongue, watching Lan Wangji the whole time. Lan Wangji didn’t bother to mask his fascinated desire as Wei Wuxian collected all of the semen that had fallen on his chest and lick it of his hand.

His other hand reached up to pull all of Lan Wangji’s hair to one side. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, “You probably don’t want to kiss me now, hm?”

Lan Wangji leaned down and pressed their lips together. Wei Wuxian finally let his legs fall to the side and he opened his mouth. Lan Wangji drew his tongue through Wei Wuxian’s mouth, unashamed. Wei Wuxian wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji’s neck and kissed back with pleased hums.

When they parted, Wei Wuxian looked up at him lovingly. “I’m so glad you’re not going to leave me,” he whispered.

Lan Wangji leaned down to press a kiss under his ear. “I will never leave you, Wei Ying,” he whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t yet written the next part where LWJ and WWX explore young LWJ’s fantasies from the Cloud Recesses... anything you guys want to see specifically? What kinds of things do you think Lan Zhan thought about Wei Ying at night...

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and let me know what you think! If you want to hit me up and talk about AU’s and headcanons and etc I’d so be down. Discord Joseph#1888, tumblr farmjew and twitter @thefarmjew
> 
> Also, I decided to add another part to this featuring young Lan Wangji’s erotic fantasies from the Cloud Recesses, and even though it will take place right after this story, it can be read on its own so I made this into a series. Subscribe to the series if you want to read it when I post it!
> 
> I want to thank everyone who read this, left kudos or comments or subscribed. I am not the most confident in my writing and this fandom has probably been the most responsive one I’ve posted in! You guys are so encouraging and I could have ended up leaving this fic to the side like I did with the others I’ve attempted writing for other fandoms. Thank you!


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